Well, here I am.
3:11 am on Friday, February 17th.
For those of you who know me, even some who know me well... have no idea that today is going to be the longest, hardest day of my life.
I know it's hard to believe with the pictures I post on Facebook, and how I love to brag about my wonderful family- that I am actually a VERY private person.
I have said to many people before, 'you will never know when/if my husband and I have a fight, or if there is something going on in my life.' I bottle things in to be strong, but sometimes being strong for too long makes you explode with emotions.
Well, today my perfect little Lucy is having surgery. Yep. Today... actually in about 4 hours. Why am I up now? Momma can't sleep of course. Xanax is not working, my nerves are shot and I just want to get this over with already!
Some of you guys do know about this... some of you lucky ones have gotten the 'AHHHH LUCY IS HAVING SURGERY' phone call followed by tears and a full breakdown. (Lucky you!)
It's not that I wanted to leave anyone out of knowing, I just felt the people who I told are the ones who needed to know, and that's it.
It was too painful to talk about. I barely could without breaking down in tears. Not to mention, it's horrible to hear from people, 'Oh my gosh, that's SO scary!!!' Yah... not what you need to hear. So the least amount of times I had to go through the whole story, the better.
I wasn't planning on blogging about this. No way. BUT... the only way I have met other parents who have been in the same boat as me is by searching blogs. The info I have learned to prepare myself is amazing. The websites Doctors put together just aren't the same when you can hear it from parents who have been through it and have all come out stronger. That's what parents need!
Anyway, you are probably wondering why she is needing surgery.
When she was first born, (best day of my life!) the hospital Pediatrician said, 'her hips are a little 'clicky' so just be sure to mention that to her doctor.' Ok fine. At her 3-5 day doctor appt, we told the pediatrician and she examined her and said they were fine... sometimes 'going through the birth canal can cause hips to click temporarily.'
Now here we are, a year later.
Lucy had her 1 year well visit appointment and her doctor noticed that her little chub rolls on her legs weren't symmetrical. Ok, who knew?!
We were sent for x-rays. The waiting for days to hear from the doctor about sent me into a state of panic... then we got the call... Yep. Her left hip isn't right and she wants us to see a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. My heart literally sank like the Titanic.
I started looking online, and FREAKED out. What Lucy has is called DDH. Developmental Dislocation of the Hip. It's only on her left. Supposedly this is 1 in every 2000 first born females. How does it happen? Who knows. The femur just grows outside of the hip socket. It just does. Looking at her, you would never tell. She plays, climbs and is a star at her Gymboree class! She is hobbly, however. She also stands and will tippy toe her left foot. I am assuming because it feels weird to her.
On January 24th, we went to Phoenix Children's Hospital for her appointment with the orthopedic surgeon.
He came in and was basically like, 'Oh yah, come check out the x-ray. She needs a surgery with a body cast for a few months.' UMMMMMM, WHAT?! Excuse me?! I handed the baby to my hubby and said, 'give me a minute while I FREAK OUT!' Since I really refused to look all this up, surgery never came into my mind. She honestly looks normal! What it is, is her femur sits on top of the hip, and it's rubbing her hip bone with nowhere to sit. It's nowhere close to where it should be.
Long story short, we left the appointment and it was NOT pretty when we got home. Lucy went down for her nap and mom and dad broke down. :-( Very sad day.
My husband started looking online at this procedure and cast, but I couldn't. I didn't want to see the pictures, I didn't want to know what was going to happen.
DENIAL. Big time.
After we somewhat settled down, we started discussing getting a second opinion. BUT... how do you know who is good?! I mean, I want THE BEST. Period. I will fly across the globe to have THE BEST for my kid. No doubt. So, we called our pediatrician back and asked for a few other referrals. All were at the same hospital. We look online. Read reviews. I found who I want. THIS GUY!!! Dr. Lee Segal. The chairman of orthopedics at the hospital. His publications, awards... duh.. who wouldn't want him?
I called for a consult. His nurse said there were no openings for a consult til MAY, and no surgery openings til the end of the year. DARN!
So we got an appointment with another Dr. in the group.
I prayed every minute of the day for God to bring me comfort and to lead us to the right doctor. I wasn't comfortable with the first one. The week got worse, waiting for the 2nd opinion. I woke up with night terrors, sweating and an absolute wreck. (If some of you are reading this awaiting your child's appt, you know what I mean!) I finally said, 'God, where are you?! Why aren't you helping me?????'
So we kept trucking along, trying not to break down in front of Lucy.
I just wanted it done. It's going to be getting hot here in AZ, and it's not fair to have her in a cast while the heat is blazing.
We show up for our 2nd opinion, and guess what. We have the wrong day. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! UGH! Lucy was cranky, and now this receptionist is telling me it's for the 6th and not the 1st?! NO WAY. I gather up my things... I told Aaron, 'let's just book with the first guy, I want this over!'
On the way out the door, she runs out and says, 'wait a second, there is one other doctor in, and I can see if he can at least squeeze you in for a few minute second opinion.' Perfect.
We get back to the room, and guess who walks in. The chairman of orthopedics. Dr. Segal.
My heart smiled.
I just happened to show up on the wrong date, and the ONE day this doctor was at this location is the same day/time I show up?!
Then, not so fast I thought. I am holding up his day, and he is booked through the end of the year, and I expected him to be 'not so friendly' since he was a big time surgeon.
He came in, all smiles, shook our hands and told us how beautiful Lucy was. I immediately felt like a warm and fuzzy blanket was put over me... Relief.
Turns out he has rescue dogs... (For those who don't know, animal rescue has and always be a huge part of my life!)... AND, he has a VW that needs repairs, which my husband works for VW. I feel like I have known him for years. We clicked.
He took over an hour and half explaining to us what needs to be done and why.
I remember thinking, 'Ok God, you had this the whole time.' (smile)
I asked Dr. Segal about surgery. I expressed my worry with summer here in AZ, and he said, "I will be right back." He comes in and says, 'Wow. This is weird. I had a speaking engagement in San Francisco that just cancelled. I can do it on the 17th of Feb.'
Not only thank-you God for sending me to the Doctor who I am comfortable with, but for EVERY blessing in my life! I have too many to count, but my favorite one is about 2 and a half feet tall, babbles most of the day away, kisses with her mouth open, barks at the dogs, just learned where her EAR is, loves to feed the ducks at the park, and ALWAYS wants her mom. No matter who is the room, her eyes are on her momma.
Well, we are leaving for the hospital in 45 minutes.
When my baby girl wakes up from surgery she will be in a cast. The cast will be changed at 6 weeks, and we will have 12 weeks total. 12 weeks with no walking, crawling or moving basically. I am going to need some creative entertainment ideas... Hopefully that's the end of this.
Yesterday was the hardest day. Giving her a bath that she loves so much, which we can't do for 12 weeks. Squeezing those chubby thighs since I won't see them for 12 weeks.
What I keep reminding myself is that this is TEMPORARY. So many parents have to deal with much worse, so I need to keep it in perspective.
I bet Lucy will read this in about 10 years. If you are baby girl, MOMMY LOVES YOU!
Here are a few pics of my princess before I go wake her up and get on our way.